Meditation story

My goal is to be at peace internally. Using meditation, I want to observe my mind and understand what is happening in it. So, I meditate by sitting at a peaceful place, & observing my thoughts.

When stream of thoughts, ideas, and actions come to my mind, I try to figure out what is happening.

Story of my Mind

I (the mind) feel little relaxed and disturbed at the same time when the body I am in tries to know about myself. When the body comes in a meditation stance, I get distressed as body does not focus on me in the daily life. I was complacent of my existence. Doing whatever and whenever I want to do. And now the body is sitting in solitude to know me.

When in solitude, it helps me sometimes as the body gets my condition, what I am going through each day and how I am frightened, disturbed at all times. Only after exercising solitude for longer time durations body became aware of the condition as it does not have the capacity to sense this in day to day activities.

My Journey of Mind in Meditation

At the start of meditation, I (the mind) land up in an environment which is not known to me. An empty land, nothing just brown sand all around. I got scared and I want to find out where I am, and how I got here. I try to find if someone is around to help, tell me where I am. To protect myself, I put an iron shield cover around me.

Then I saw someone coming towards me, to kill me, to suppress me, I protect myself with the shield and try to figure out who they are, why are they coming towards me.

Then I realized, these are the thoughts which are coming towards me with full speed. I don’t know what is the nature of these thoughts. Are they good or bad, what they want, where they are coming from, I don’t know.

As they come close I block them with the shield. But they are too many, endless stream of high energy aggressive thoughts. I can see that being frightened behind the shield cover will not help me overcome this situation. I slowly let the guards down. Immediately thoughts jump on me. I try to fight with them but they seem to get worse and create even more damage. I get an idea. Rather than fight back, surrender.

Accept them as they come to me. After initial pain as they go by me, they start to vanish. One at a time I accept them as is and they continue to vanish.

This is an ongoing process as thoughts currently feel as an endless stream. Only after I have exhausted all the thoughts coming to me, I will be at peace.

(to be continued…..)

Conclusion

We learn most of the meditation techniques, to accept that it is okay for your mind to wander while meditating or at any time. If your mind wanders just accept that it wandered. Thoughts will vanish resulting in a peaceful mind which focuses on now.

Excessive thoughts come to create misery for you. That misery can be of any kind, a craving or an aversion or anxiety, stress, depression. It can be anything that makes you lose your equanimity of mind. See every thought as just thought.